How Can You Get Over a Divorce?

A divorce is one of the toughest things you can go through. It’s a major change and transition all rolled into one—your life will transform, and while that change might be beneficial in the long run, it won’t feel like it initially.

It won’t be easy, especially if there are children involved, but if you follow the steps below, you can get through it with your emotional, mental, and overall health intact.

The Emotional Journey After Divorce

A divorce will send you on an emotional roller coaster journey, from the hopeful highs and the freedom that comes with separation, to the lows of grieving a relationship and dealing with questions from friends, family, and children, as well as all those memories of the “good times” you won’t get back. Here are some tips on how to heal after a breakup.

Accept the Reality of Divorce

Divorces are messy. They’re stressful. It may also feel like you’re giving up on years of work, disappointing everyone who went to your wedding, affecting all of your mutual friends, and making life more difficult for your children. But there’s no point in delaying the inevitable. People often cling to decaying relationships with the hope that the wind will change, things will start feeling good again, and everything will be back to normal.

That’s rarely the case, though. If you’re contemplating divorce, there’s a good chance you’ve had problems for a while, and dragging it out is just creating more problems and tension. Kids don’t want their parents to divorce, but they’re resilient and adaptable. What’s more, an amicable separation and divorce is healthier for a child than being surrounded by bitter arguments and a constant air of tension, distrust, and anger between parents.

Understanding the Stages of Divorce Recovery

Usually, marriages fall apart steadily. Passion turns into familiarity, positive feelings turn negative, the couple begins to disconnect, and they lose the mutual respect and trust that is essential in every strong relationship. This slow decline is usually followed by a trigger, one that sets the divorce wheels in motion. It could be something as serious as an affair or something as petty as an argument. Either way, the relationship was on its last legs, and the blame doesn’t rest on the shoulders of one person.

There are exceptions, of course. If you fall in love, get married, and then enjoy a seemingly blissful relationship, only for your partner to cheat, they are to blame. However, playing the blame game will hurt you and your child as much as it hurts your ex. Try to disconnect—you’re not going to be with them anymore, so you don’t care what they did in the past or what they will do in the future.

Move on, focus on the positives, and try to rebuild your life. If you want to get revenge, do so by living your best life and being independent. It’s much more effective than getting angry, sending them angry messages, and insulting them to your friendship group, all while remaining alone, bitter, and miserable.

Cooperate for Your Child

Making sure your child sees enough of both parents without feeling like they are constantly being tugged one way or the other is one of the biggest challenges of being a single mom or dad. You want what’s best for your child, but you also don’t want to expose yourself to hostility and stay tethered to a person who makes you unhappy, frustrated, angry, or sad.

It’s all about healthy cooperation, which means sitting down with your partner and agreeing on a co-parenting plan that works for you, your ex, and your child. Of course, it’s a different story if you divorced because they were abusive to you or your child. In such cases, staying away and getting the authorities involved is your best bet.

If they cheated on you or simply didn’t provide you with the love you deserved, you’re going to be angry with them and might want sole custody. It’s natural that you’d want to make life hard for them when they abused your trust and broke your heart. But would that really be the best solution for your child?

Don’t Let One Emotion Rule All Others

You’ll feel a lot of different emotions following a breakup. You might find yourself feeling very sad, or even grieving in some cases. These times are likely to make you feel uncertain and not knowing what tomorrow will be made of. You could be tempted to distrust other people, in fear of being betrayed once again. There are also chances that you could feel lonely. However, you should know that you will always have a shoulder to rest on, either with some of your friends or with your family.

You may also feel a sense of relief at finally ending a difficult relationship, along with hope for a brighter future. But anger might overpower all other feelings. You’re either angry at them for their perceived role in the breakup (or their attitude after it) or you’re angry at yourself for causing the separation.

It’s important that you don’t let this emotion rule all others. Anger is a powerful emotion. It could make you erratic and impulsive. You may end up saying or doing things you later regret, things that allow you to vent but invariably complicate the process and cause issues down the line.

You’re allowed to be angry, but you should devote just as much headspace to all of those other emotions. There is rarely one person to blame in a divorce, just as there’s rarely a single incident that causes it. So, pay attention to how you’re feeling, try to think logically and holistically, and don’t let anger rule.

Confide in Your Family and Friends!

Your closest friends and family members are on hand to help you. They can provide emotional and mental support while also helping you with some of the more physically stressful aspects of a divorce, including moving home and dealing with legal paperwork.

Navigating Dating and New Relationships After Divorce

You’re single and free. Yes, it can seem like a big void to fill up. You’re about to step into the great unknown and will feel intimidated. But there could also be new friendships, new relationships, new hobbies, and other exciting things on your horizon. So, try to focus on the positives and instead of getting angry and upset as you look back at the good and bad times, dive into something new and take some time for yourself.

When to Start Dating Again

You don’t necessarily need to date again right now. If you don’t feel like the time is right, wait until it is. There is no expectation on you. Even if you’re lonely and miss companionship, if you’re not in the right headspace, it might be best to wait. Only you will know.

When you are ready, stick with sites designed with single parents in mind. On Stir, you will find a huge community of like-minded men and women. They’re all single parents, and they understand the struggles you’re going through. You can find a friendship or something romantic, and take things at your own pace.

Establish a New Routine

Mutual friendship groups are one of the most common obstacles that single mothers face following a divorce. You spent a key portion of your life with your ex, so it’s natural to share many similar friends. It’s also natural to feel strange around those friends going forward.

Your social circle can provide you with support, as noted above, but they may end up playing the referee in an angry blame game. You might feel like you can’t trust them fully and can’t relax around them, as you don’t know if they’ll be relaying your anxieties to your ex.

So, reconnect with old friends that your partner didn’t know, make new friends, and form connections with people who have nothing to do with your ex. new hobbies are a great way to find like-minded people, so if there’s something you enjoy that you have yet to explore, now’s the perfect time!

Summary: How to Get Through a Divorce

There are many struggles of being a single mom or dad, and many of them are harder than the initial separation. But nothing will feel worse than the initial mesh of heartbreak, frustration, anger, loss, and fear that you experience at the start of the divorce.

There is a very bright light at the end of this tunnel, though, and with those challenges come many happy and exciting moments, including the prospect of a new, healthy relationship that can inject hope and positivity into your life and that of your child.

So, keep your head up—it gets a lot easier from here!

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